Tune in to Tolerance
While driving my kids recently, I heard giggling from the backseat and felt overjoyed that everyone was getting along. That is, until I heard what the laughter was about. An innocent children’s rhyme that is all but innocent. I could not believe my ears—my children were in fact making fun of another culture’s appearances in their little rhyme… in my car…my children…with the values I have taught them…YIKES! How could they not understand that this was inappropriate and even hurtful to others? I tried not to go postal. I reminded myself that I was the therapist and the mother in this car—and driving. From my voice, they knew I was upset when I asked them to stop.
“You don’t let us have any fun,” said Eli. “It feels like we are the only ones I know who can’t make fun of anything. It’s not hurting anyone” Sasha chimed in. “Sam in my class taught me that joke,” she said. “He makes fun of all kinds of people, and kids think he’s funny.”
I was taken aback that my children had missed the idea that makin
g fun of the way someone looks is hurtful. Apparently, my passion for human rights and equality did not guarantee that my children would be empathetic little apples that would fall from my tree. Children receive powerful messages outside our homes—in class, on the bus, at lunch, on the playground, and from friends and the good ol’ TV. There needs to be an ongoing effort regarding cultural and racial sensitivity. If moments can be teaching moments, this was gonna be a big one.
Talk to your kids about what makes a joke hurtful. Why do others laugh if it is so wrong? What could be said to those who tell the inappropriate joke? How can we celebrate diversity?
To be continued…
–June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two. To contact – June@urextraordinary.com
Tags: backseat, diversity, ears, educator, equality, human rights, innocent children, joke, laughter, life coach, little apples, mommy, passion, pist, playground, psychotherapist, racial sensitivity, rhyme, rosen, sasha
February 14th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Oh how I hear you… loud and clear.
Unfortunately, my husband is one of those individuals with that twisted sense of humor and it is hard to combat when it resides in your home. My youngest child seems to be picking it up, but I am trying eagerly to counter it with appropriate humor and discussions why the other kind is insensitive and “inappropriate” his new favorite concept. He is open to the discussions and seems to get it, but also sees how the other kind of humor gets laughs and attention–it’s a hard thing for a young mind to weigh.
Can’t wait to read the rest!
February 21st, 2008 at 12:04 am
Great topic! Thanks for bringing light to this. I live in a community with all sorts of diversity - not so much racial but more lifestyle diversity. Lots of two mommy/two daddy or multicultural families. The kids don’t have any idea there is anything different about it because it is so common around them (I speak of my daughter and her friends who are only 6). I am not looking forward to the day when they realize that it is not the norm - but then as June says…those will be ideal “teachable moments.”
February 27th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Hi Shawna,
Thank you for your comments on my “Tune in to Tolerance” with June Blog!
It can be very challenging when “twisted humor” is being generated inside the home from one parent, while the other parent is trying to model an atmosphere of sensitivity and tolerance. We know that children often model behavior, so it becomes a difficult compounding parenting task, as well as confusing for the child, if one parent is modeling a behavior that is inappropriate, while is other parent is “running interference”. It is important that you share your feelings with your husband regarding the tenor of his jokes and the impact he is making on the children.
I applaud you for continuing to address what you see as inappropriate joke telling with your kids. You may be encouraged by the comments of another Kiwi Blogger Debbie (see Tune in to Tolerance 2) who describes growing up with parents who differed on their views of exposing their children to diversity.
You sound like a wonderful mother! Keep us posted on your efforts to educate your household!
June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two. To contact – June@URextraordinary.com