KIWI parents know what an important job it is to keep our children healthy and protected when they are young. Unfortunately, part of that protection is giving them the tools they need to begin to address the harsh realities that life can bring, including the “Bully Factor”. Our kiddos may find it helpful if we can define a bully and help them to identify bullying behavior when and if they should encounter one. As raised in Stop Bullying me…and my Planet part one, teaching children action steps to address what to do if they are being bullied will help to empower them when faced with a frightening situation.

Defining a bully for your child may be the first useful step. Bullying amongst kids usually takes the form of repeated intimidating behaviors, usually using domineering physical or psychological tactics. Here are a few indicators to look for to help your child understand if they are being bullied. For younger kids, bullying may take the form of:

• Grabbing, pushing, shoving
• Teasing, name calling, taunting
• Taking things without permission
• Starting rumors
• Being excluded or left out
• Other blatant mean and hurtful intimidating behaviors

When discussing actions steps for handling a bully with your child, stress that generally, bullying is behavior that is repeated over and over again (not just a “one time incident”). Here are some empowering options for you and your child to discuss as you begin to “take on the bullies”:

• Don’t “take the bait”- bullies seek out sensitive children.
• Stay near friends and adults
• Be assertive and tell the bully to stop.
• Embrace differences. Bullies attack anything “different.” Celebrate who you are!
• Work on expressing your emotions without fear.
• Tell your parents and teachers about the bully!

If your child is being bullied I would like to hear your concerns and strategies for facing “the Bully Factor.”

-June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a mommy of two, psychotherapist, and the owner of ExtraordinarYou, a life coaching and educational services business. To contact: June@URextraordinary.com

Countless people see bullies as a mere inconvenience rather than a truth to be reckoned with. But bullying behavior, like the assault we have committed on the planet, is abusive, and when repeated over and over again it can be detrimental.

Over the last several weeks I have been approached by parents having concerns about their children being bullied, ranging in age from kindergarten through high school. One child even suggested that he thought his parents should move out of the state! Childhood is filled with children learning to “play nice together” and for that matter, most adults are still learning that lesson too. But bullying is a serious matter and unfortunately, some parents overlook early signs of having a bully of their own, or their child’s experience of being bullied. They dismiss the evidence, as “kids will be kids”.

Conversely, other parents feel an initial rage when they hear or see a child being targeted. I have even heard my sweet, even-tempered husband refer to a little girl that was bossy and taunting my daughter Sasha to tears, as a terrorist! Ok, so maybe she wasn’t a true bully or a terrorist, but she managed to make my husband’s salt and pepper curls…. go straight! Fortunately, like my husband, a parent’s frenzy typically dissipates, but they are left with confusion as to how to help their child navigate the situation. Clearly, interventions will vary and depend upon the children’s ages, severity and frequency of bullying.

Our children really do need a kinder, gentler, and greener planet to grow up on. It’s up to all of us to stand up to the truth about bullying in our homes, playgrounds, play groups, classrooms, school hallways, and on the internet, while we empower our children with strategies for taking action on their own when they or their precious planet is being bullied!

Please submit comments or strategies on issues related to the Bully Factor!

Check back for Positive Parenting Tips for taking on bullies.

-June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a mommy of two, psychotherapist, and the owner of ExtraordinarYou, a life coaching and educational services business. To contact: June@URextraordinary.com

Parenting kids reminds me of preparing a deliciously satisfying but complicated dish! It is often daunting to search for the right healthy recipe with natural ingredients to make the dish wholesome with just the right amount of kick. What a relief when guests rave about the dish… even better when the dish creatively stands alone. What pride you feel at getting the recipe right.

True, the stakes are much higher when trying to get the recipe right when the dish we are tending is a child. As parents we search to find the ingredients to provide the right foundation for our children’s healthy development and growth. In my practice, and as a mom, I have researched many resources looking for helpful evidenced-based parenting information. I enjoy knowing that the “recipe” has been through a test kitchen before experimenting on our own kiddies. One such resource I often recommend is Search Institute.

Search Institute researched 40 developmental assets for helping children grow up “healthy, caring and responsible” including empowering children, setting boundaries and the importance of instilling values. In the mix of raising yummy kids there needs to be a fair amount of improvisation and cooking without a recipe. However, having a staple of ingredients such as, things you can do to help your child succeed (assets), may be worth stocking up on. But, who knew there were 40 of them! (For a complete list visit Search-Institute.org)

Lastly, combine cups filled with fun, love, patience, understanding and a dash of “thyme” for seasoning and you are bound to have a great dish of a kid!

-June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two. To contact – June@URextraordinary.com

As my children sat in the back of my car telling jokes with racial overtones, I longed for Sasha’s four-year-old stand-up act. Her repertoire consisted of two jokes, one about a cat and one about a hamburger. She always ended with the hamburger joke because it was sure to get a laugh. “What did the hot dog say to the hamburger?” she would ask. “Nice buns!” Her sweet face would light up at the punch line as she braced herself for the laugh.

I recall a baffling attempt at discussing diversity around the same time as Sasha was telling her hamburger joke. One day at the playground, she was staring at a child of a different race and she asked me, “Why does he look different?” I was about to jump start the diversity discussion when she added, “He wears funny mittens.” It wasn’t race she saw—it was his funny mittens. As the adult, I saw race and not the mittens.

I forged ahead anyway. “People come in all different colors, shapes, and sizes, and they wear different things, too,” I said. Sasha recently confided that at the time, she thought I meant something very different. For a long time she scoured the playground in hopes of finding a kid with a small blue triangle head, a big red rectangle head, or even a medium yellow square head. In preschool they take their colors, shapes and sizes quite literally.

Now firmly into elementary school, Sasha needed my message to be clear. In the car, I reminded myself that at heart, my children are amazing, sensitive and loving towards others of all cultures and races. They just needed a refresher course. I pulled the car over and calmly turned to Sasha and Eli to discuss the following points concerning jokes.

• It is never ok to make fun of other people.

• Treat others the way you want to be treated. Ask yourself, “How would that make me feel if someone said that about me?”

• Just because others make fun of people does not make it right. Stand up for what you believe.

• Just because others laugh doesn’t mean it’s funny. Ask them what they think is funny about the joke.

• Reject jokes that stereotype people. They perpetuate misunderstanding and hatred.

As children grow and hopefully have exposure to diversity, they need refreshers every once in a while to remind them of how to be accepting and understanding. People do come in all different shapes, sizes and colors, and the world is much richer because of it. Yes, laughter feels good, but jokes at the expense of others do not. Appropriate jokes that don’t degrade others can bring joy to the person delivering it and to their audiences. And there are plenty of good jokes far beyond the caliber of the hamburger one-liner. We can teach the importance of embracing ethnic diversity to our children as they grow up. Remember, it is a life-long process when striving for empathy, respect and tolerance. Now buckle up for the ride and don’t be afraid to pull over, refresh, and ask for directions when needed!

–June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two. To contact – June@urextraordinary.com

While driving my kids recently, I heard giggling from the backseat and felt overjoyed that everyone was getting along. That is, until I heard what the laughter was about. An innocent children’s rhyme that is all but innocent. I could not believe my ears—my children were in fact making fun of another culture’s appearances in their little rhyme… in my car…my children…with the values I have taught them…YIKES! How could they not understand that this was inappropriate and even hurtful to others? I tried not to go postal. I reminded myself that I was the therapist and the mother in this car—and driving. From my voice, they knew I was upset when I asked them to stop.

“You don’t let us have any fun,” said Eli. “It feels like we are the only ones I know who can’t make fun of anything. It’s not hurting anyone” Sasha chimed in. “Sam in my class taught me that joke,” she said. “He makes fun of all kinds of people, and kids think he’s funny.”

I was taken aback that my children had missed the idea that making fun of the way someone looks is hurtful. Apparently, my passion for human rights and equality did not guarantee that my children would be empathetic little apples that would fall from my tree. Children receive powerful messages outside our homes—in class, on the bus, at lunch, on the playground, and from friends and the good ol’ TV. There needs to be an ongoing effort regarding cultural and racial sensitivity. If moments can be teaching moments, this was gonna be a big one.

Talk to your kids about what makes a joke hurtful. Why do others laugh if it is so wrong? What could be said to those who tell the inappropriate joke? How can we celebrate diversity?

To be continued…

–June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two. To contact – June@urextraordinary.com

It feels like an epidemic: as parents, we struggle with our children’s relationships with our in-laws. Unless you are one of the lucky ones bragging that “my in-laws watched the kids this weekend while we went to a yoga retreat,” or “ I know the organic cotton baby bumpers are a bit more expensive, but my mother-in-law understands and insists—only the best for Ayden!”

Generally, the common phrases used to describe the in-laws are: overbearing, controlling, disinterested and/or out-of-touch. It may be difficult to know how to address these issues—after all, they are your in-laws. Sneaking sugary treats to your tots without your approval, showering your kids with inappropriate toys, forgetting to acknowledge your tyke’s birthday (again), or constantly bending your rules—these mind-boggling episodes have sent many parents (including myself) racing from the room during family visits while biting their tongues, eventually shoving another dollar into the piggy bank labeled “Little Eli’s Future Therapy,” all in an effort to keep the peace.

If this sounds familiar, you might consider preserving your sanity by having a respectful sit-down conversation between you, your spouse and your in-laws to discuss your parenting values. (Although, this may seem like an obvious step, it’s one most of us don’t take.) Surprisingly, they may not recognize why you feel strongly until you explain your reasoning to them. This discussion will give all of you a platform for fostering that special intergenerational bond. It might even allow you to crack open Eli’s piggy bank and treat yourselves to a delicious organic lunch out—or a trip to the Bahamas, depending on the level of in-law stress you’ve endured!

Written by: June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two.
To contact - LifeCoachingYou@Verizon.net

Remember it is not always easy to talk to your kids at a young age about issues that they will hopefully not encounter until much older. As in the Appletini incident highlighted in my last Blog, here are five useful tips for having “the conversation.”

1. Start early: It is much easier to initiate conversations regarding drugs and alcohol when your children are seven, rather than seventeen. Start early and often!

2. Keep appropriate: Keep the conversation age appropriate and discuss making healthy choices for their bodies. Introduce consequences for behavior. “You want to make good healthy choices for your body, so your body won’t get sick”.

3. Expressing feelings: Create an environment of listening that supports your child’s ability to express their feelings. As your child grows and their interests widen to friends and activities outside the home, you want them to continue to talk to you about their feelings and “keep you in their loop.”

4. Problem solving: Have your child identify safe people to talk to about their problems (including you). Discuss what can happen if they “mask” or hide their emotions. Modeling healthy ways to resolve and express issues with your child empowers them to tackle the bumps in the road.

5. Safety rules: Discuss the importance of safety rules and the dangers of touching, tasting or smelling things that they can’t identify. Stress how very dangerous this can be.

Open communication with your child early on, practicing patience, problem solving, listening to your child and teaching consequences for their behavior are excellent foundations for laying the ground work for future “tough stuff discussions” including the use of alcohol as they head into the pre- teen years. (Oh, the Teen Years…when you will want that Appletini!)

Written by: June Grushka-Rosen (Miss. June Bug) M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two.
To contact - LifeCoachingYou@Verizon.net

When I picked up my daughter Sasha from school she proudly announced that a special visitor had come into their second grade classroom to discuss alcohol abuse. I was pleased that my daughter and her peers were being exposed to alcohol prevention so early. I know that early prevention statistically shows a decrease in the onset of kids drinking and addiction. In addition, I had been working diligently through my job to create an effective drug and alcohol prevention program in a near by school district.

I asked Sasha what she had learned, hoping to steal a few good ideas for my own program, and of course, to see how she was processing her new gained knowledge from someone other then her mother. “They said beer was alcohol, so I raised my hand and told them that my mom loves Appletinis. I asked them if Appletinis are alcohol too, and did you know mom… they are!?” You can imagine my surprise! After great effort to teach my child about the dangers of alcohol, it was a casual conversation with a friend joking about a recent event we attended and how we really enjoyed the Appletinis that my daughter picked up on.

The messages we send our children are not always conscious ones. Parents need to be mindful about their casual habits regarding drugs and alcohol. Sit down and have a conversation with your children regarding alcohol. Take it from me…. your children really are taking their cues from you.

Written by: June Grushka-Rosen (Miss. June Bug) M.Ed. is a Life Coach, Educator, Psychotherapist and mommy of two.
To contact - LifeCoachingYou@Verizon.net

P.S. Check back tomorrow for June’s tips on talking to your kids about alcohol.

KIWI presents: A new blog series on “Positive Parenting” from June Grushka-Rosen.

Many believe that children and their innate ability to use their imagination go hand in hand. Unfortunately, more and more, a child’s gift to create imaginary places, invisible friends and to dream about the future is not always second nature. This can be compounded by parents who feel uncomfortable when children explore outside the boundaries of what they see as reality. However, the necessity to help prompt a child to grow his/her imagination is increasingly important, due to rising negative stimuli including the over-indulged child, as in the child that has everything done for them and is given to in excess with no boundaries or expectations from their parents. As well as the disadvantaged child, a child that has been deprived of basic needs that may include environmental factors that lead to a lack of nurturing needed to stimulate creative thinking

Imagination is essential as a foundation for problem solving. I have found that while working with preschoolers in an affluent community, in addition to gang affiliated teenagers from the inner-city, that a key component to a child or teen’s ability to thrive and move towards success, is their capacity to rely on their imagination to problem solve. It can be simply having tots who are needed to quietly move from one location to another imagine that they are a magnificent colorful butterfly with arms as wings, silently soaring magically from one place to the next. What a fun contribution to teach a child that is working on curbing their impulse to talk when it may not be appropriate.

It is also my experience that role playing with groups of teens has proven to stimulate their knack to use their imagination by “thinking out side the box” and enhancing their capability to problem solve. If a teen is given the opportunity to “play the part” of the parent or teacher or voice of authority, they often feel empowered by the chance to be heard. Creating an environment to help a teen use their creativity to solve problems and set their own limitations can be a powerful tool to impart upon them.

Nurturing these skills in children gives them perspective and resources to find hope when others my only see hopelessness. The gift of encouraging imaginative-play fosters one’s depth to look at life’s challenges expansively. Growing a child’s imagination can lead to raising a unique problem solver, bring a sparkle to routine activities and encourage children to see a world filled with endless possibilities!

Written by: June Grushka-Rosen, MEd., is a Life Coach, Educator and Psychotherapist
To contact - LifeCoachingYou@Verizon.net