Stop Bullying me…and my Planet!
Countless people see bullies as a mere inconvenience rather than a truth to be reckoned with. But bullying behavior, like the assault we have committed on the planet, is abusive, and when repeated over and over again it can be detrimental.
Over the last several weeks I have been approached by parents having concerns about their children being bullied, ranging in age from kindergarten through high school.
One child even suggested that he thought his parents should move out of the state! Childhood is filled with children learning to “play nice together” and for that matter, most adults are still learning that lesson too. But bullying is a serious matter and unfortunately, some parents overlook early signs of having a bully of their own, or their child’s experience of being bullied. They dismiss the evidence, as “kids will be kids”.
Conversely, other parents feel an initial rage when they hear or see a child being targeted. I have even heard my sweet, even-tempered husband refer to a little girl that was bossy and taunting my daughter Sasha to tears, as a terrorist! Ok, so maybe she wasn’t a true bully or a terrorist, but she managed to make my husband’s salt and pepper curls…. go straight! Fortunately, like my husband, a parent’s frenzy typically dissipates, but they are left with confusion as to how to help their child navigate the situation. Clearly, interventions will vary and depend upon the children’s ages, severity and frequency of bullying.
Our children really do need a kinder, gentler, and greener planet to grow up on. It’s up to all of us to stand up to the truth about bullying in our homes, playgrounds, play groups, classrooms, school hallways, and on the internet, while we empower our children with strategies for taking action on their own when they or their precious planet is being bullied!
Please submit comments or strategies on issues related to the Bully Factor!
Check back for Positive Parenting Tips for taking on bullies.
-June Grushka-Rosen M.Ed. is a mommy of two, psychotherapist, and the owner of ExtraordinarYou, a life coaching and educational services business. To contact: June@URextraordinary.com
Tags: bullies, bully, kindergarten, parenting tips, playgrounds, positive parenting, precious planet, school hallways
July 19th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Thanks for writing this!
I have a 4-year-old daughter and I have already been witnessing bullying, cliques and general anti-social behavior for years. It is amazing to me how such young children decide on hierarchies at the playground and who is on the in or out. I have another observation: I know many moms who I consider to be sweet, kind and sensitive who have kids who show some of these clique/bully traits at school and in the playground, so I don’t know how the association works.
I heard an author on NPR talking about how she was mercilessly bullied in school and, 30 years later, she can barely cope because of the scars it left on her. I am searching in vain for the name of the book but I think this author actually confronted these bullies decades later.
I do see some of these things as chances to teach my daughter about resilience, confidence and other skills, but I will readily admit that I have and do intervene. I try to handle the situation as I would want her to - say things like “your words just hurt my feelings,” “stop! no! you are being too rough,” or teaching her to walk away or tell an adult. I feel like if I sort of act in a positive way in her presence and show her the ropes of managing bullies and cliques, she will have an easier time when I am not around to coach her. But, I do also tell her that I personally have a 0 tolerance policy for bullying to let her know that I won’t accept that behavior from her (my worry is actually that she is so sensitive that she will be the victim).
I was a shy kid and really had to learn on my own the art of dodging bullies and not being so sensitive to what other people said. I experienced some physical bullying, but nothing to the extreme of what I hear about these days. At no point do I think it is acceptable or appropriate. I have even had bosses who were simply bullies! So, teaching kids early about how to manage the situation is critical for a lifetime. And, certainly teaching kids that bullying is never acceptable is important as well.
Like you, I really hope for a kinder, gentler planet.
Edamommy