The Boob Chronicles: A Rough (but Beautiful!) Beginning

I was so adamant about nursing my newborn and never having formula touch her lips that I told my husband that, should I be unconscious or writhing in pain, if he so much as hinted to a doctor or nurse that they could give our baby a bottle, I would harm him and then the entire hospital staff. This alone was reason enough to hire a doula, but my husband couldn’t understand why I didn’t trust him to honor my wishes. So instead, I taped little signs in her plastic baby warmer shoe box thingy that said “100% BREASTFED. NO FORMULA.” The store The Upper Breast Side actually had little index cards for that purpose.

At any point, you can say that this behavior is crazy. After four days in NYU Medical Center, I know the system. And they’re actually pretty good about the whole nursing thing, or at least wanting the new moms to nurse. My husband may opt for a doula next time around because I was pretty rough around the edges and the birth contract I drew up to review with my doctor, in hindsight, may have been a little crazy.

Long story longer, this is about breastfeeding, not about my birth. But I ended up having to have a C-section and in the haze of the post-op recovery room (which was literally a storage closet) I yelled and demanded my baby so I could nurse her for the first time. I had no idea what I was doing. Even though I had watched a breastfeeding video at Real Birth, and the most brilliant lactation consultant ever, Susan Burger, had drawn me diagrams of proper latching, which I brought to the hospital, I knew nothing.

Nursing killed. I thought of “American Psycho” and “24.” I was supposed to be thinking lovey-dovey things, but I was so freaked out, confused and hormonal, I had no idea if I was doing it right. The nurses couldn’t help—they all told me different things. I needed one clear voice, but realize now that the whole business of lactation support and instruction is a complicated soup of medical, cultural, social and personal issues.

I had to make it through that first night alone until the lactation consultant at the hospital could visit me the following day. However, even though she insisted I attend her support group, my legs were numb and I couldn’t walk for 2 days. So instead, I ate microwaveable Annie’s Mac’N’Cheese in bed and continued schooling myself in breastfeeding.

-Audra Hughes

Tags: doula, lactation consultant, nurse

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